Pick Bunny’s Brainz

It’s been a while since my last post, I know. Things have kind of fallen apart here in zombieland, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to write much more…

When I got back to the hideout on Halloween, it was a total shit-show. I’m still not sure what happened, because CeeCee and Misha won’t tell me ANYTHING, but it looked like there had been another meeting of the secret football club, this time with the zombie hunters, and Leland totally went after them.

There was fight, and they got Leland! Which is so horrible, because so far it hasn’t been like any of my friends have actually DIED, you know? There’s a big difference between dying and becoming a zombie!

So Leland was torn into, like, a million tiny pieces! And obviously he got some of them, because when I got there, the zombie hunters were busy chopping the heads off a bunch of zombies I’d never seen before.

CeeCee and Misha were hiding, grabbing bites to eat where they could, which is so like them. They always say they’re totally fasting, then they sneak food every chance they get! That’s why mom said they’d grow up to be total cows.

ANYWAY, the smell of blood was pretty overwhelming, so down came the pink mist and the humming. I remember calling the girls to get into the fight, and hearing them roar, and next thing I knew, we were racing down the tunnel, and there were zombie hunters running ahead of us, like we were chasing them, but also behind us, like some of them were chasing us!

I turned around, because I was like ‘eff this!’ and who almost chops me in half with an axe? Uncle Johnny!

I think he recognized me, though, because he hesitated, and said something that sounded like, “funny,” or “honey,” or maybe “Bunny.” Which gave me just enough time to rip his guts out. Sorry Uncle Johnny.

After that I felt really bad. I wrapped up his stomach with pieces of his robe so that he wouldn’t have his insides falling out when he woke up. All told, we ended up with three new zombies – Uncle Johnny, the Coach (!), and a second-string halfback with rich parents named Erik.

Obviously, we had to bail on the hideout, which sucks. The entire school was a write-off, so I had to herd all these stupid, STUPID zombies halfway across town until we found a Blockbuster that had been closed for a million years.

Since then, I’ve been dividing my time between trying to keep zombies from getting gout and eating people (moderate success), and finding the zombie hunter hideout (great success!). Turns out their main base of operations is the frat house on the university campus.

So now we’re going to war.

I hid in the library all day today so I could use the free computer and post this tonight. I really wanted to let you guys know what’s going on, because once I’m done posting this, I’m going to grab my people, and go fight. I need to find out what’s going on, why they did this to me, and what my dad had to do with all of it.

ALSO, I can’t let them keep trying to kill us.

ALSO, a zombie’s gotta eat, right?

I don’t know if any of us will make it back, and if we don’t, maybe it’s just meant to be, y’know?

So thanks for reading, and for keeping me company when I was the loneliest zombie on the planet. Hopefully I’ll post again, but if not, you’ll know what happened.

Bugs and kisses,

Bunny

(PS - Sorry no toons this time. My style is being slightly cramped, but if you liked my posts, and want to check out the app I used to make them, you can go here.

I should be more excited about figuring out the connection between my school and the zombie hunters, but all I can think is that a frat my dad was in is trying to kill me. Correction: is trying to kill me AGAIN.

So I figured that if I could look through some of my dad’s old stuff, I could maybe find out more. Maybe even find a way to get to the zombie hunters. Because that’s what the message from the universe has been all along: don’t wait for them to come to you!

As far as I know, mom’s still got all of dad’s stuff stored in the garage, so I decided to sneak in the house, and go through his old papers to find clues.

It wasn’t hard. Every year my mom throws this CRAZY Halloween party. Everybody gets drunk, everybody DRESSES UP, and it’s too crowded and dark to really recognize anyone.

So I locked CeeCee, Misha, and Leland up in the tunnels, and I headed to the party late. It was the usual madhouse scene of people in their forties making fools of themselves. And the side door into the garage wasn’t even locked. I strolled right in and started hunting around for the boxes. Even if someone came in and saw me, they’d never recognize who I was.

Or that’s what I was thinking, until this little voice right behind me said, “Bunny?”

I spun around. It was Milo in his little ghost costume. He’s been wearing that same Halloween ghost costume since he was three. The same costume I used to wear as a kid. My mom’s idea of a ‘no fuss no muss solution to Halloween.’

Milo looked up at me. “Bunny, that’s a really scary costume,” he said. It sounded almost like an accusation. I wanted to be able to say something to him. I wanted to cry. I couldn’t do anything. So I knelt down and gave him a hug.

He didn’t hug me back. “Everybody says you’re dead, Bunny, but I never believed them.” He didn’t sound so sure, though. Poor little guy. Kids are smart. Kids are wonderful, and warm, and full of some much life. They smell more full of life that adults. They smell available, and juicy, and irresistible.

The world was going pink. Humming filled my ears and I suddenly wasn’t sure where I was, or who I was with. A growl started in my throat and then the thing in my arms was struggling, struggling and it was afraid, which meant time to eat…

“Milo!” The drunk, bossy voice of my mother broke through the humming. “What the hell are you doing with my kid?” she demanded. And somehow, I was able to push away. Milo stumbled back against the car. My mother was marching towards us and I was trying to hide my face. I turned and grabbed a box of papers, any box, it didn’t matter, and I ran.