Pick Bunny’s Brainz

Okay, so obviously, there’s no point pretending. The truth is that somehow, thanks to all this zombie stuff, I am totally psychic. All kinds of things tell their plans to me, I see people’s memories when I’m turning them into a zombie, AND sometimes, I can see what other zombies are doing. Zombies that I don’t even know exist. I wonder if maybe I am some breed of vampire or something, because a lot of this stuff is like vampires. Except I don’t know if vampires get told things, by trees and walls and bugs and stuff. Or even if vampires are really real. Sigh. Anyway, after the whole Leland thing, I got a better idea of how it all fit together. I was being shown all this stuff for a reason, probably so I could be a better zombie. It’s because I had this feeling that I was able to clean up the clubroom. Old Bunny would have just said, uh-uh, that is WAY too much blood, but I knew we couldn’t up and find a new hideout. So I cleaned all day and all night and all day and then it was over! And I realized that I couldn’t keep letting us starve, because we aren’t just cheerleaders anymore, we are, like, a society! So I thought I’d see if we could eat stuff other than people first, which was hilarious. Leland will eat, like, gophers and cockroaches and corndogs, but it turns out that Leland will also eat a phonebook if you smear some blood on it. Cee and Misha also ate the gopher, but they looked all pissed off the whole time, and I was forced to realize something, which is that I might be a brain-eating zombie, but that does not make me want to eat a gopher. Sorry. There is just no freakin way. Long story short, we’ve got to occasionally be able to eat, so I’m going to try to do some meal planning, to avoid letting things get out of control again. The other major life issue here is that we’re living in the clubroom of some secret society. There is also a secret society of zombie hunters out to kill us. So I’m thinking: coincidence? No freaking way. And when I sit very quietly, and do pranayama, this little voice from the wall by my head and the ground under me and another little voice way in the distance all say that I can’t wait. I can’t sit and wait.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to not wait for until last night, when I finally finished cleaning and it was just in time because someone was coming down the stairs to the clubroom and I had about two seconds to shove everybody out the little back door.

Tags: Dieting, zombie habits, Zombie hunters, zombie life