Pick Bunny’s Brainz

So all those thoughts were going through my head at lightspeed as all these weirdos in robes pinned me to the ground, and Lance towered over me with his evil-looking axe. And all I could think about was HELPMEHELPMEHELPME.

And then Lance was lifting the axe over his head, STILL looking all apologetic, and I HATED him, and then there was this crazy smashing sound from behind him, and he looked over his shoulder, and Misha and CeeCee were flying out of the library window, which was this hardcore barred window, and it just exloded out like nothing!

And they looked fantastic! The clay and polish all over their skin (and, I admit, the low lighting) made them look like amazon warriors in a Vogue photo shoot. OMG!

All the guys in robes must have been shocked as hell, because they let go of me and stood up right away, which was all I needed.

Misha got to eat CeeCee, but I’d been starving for pretty much ever.

The pink clouds descended, the humming started, and then I just let zombie Bunny take care of everything.

It’s all sort of in flashes. The restaurant. The bed. The drink. I like how I can just do this up into single images, because that’s how it feels.

The night that I went out with Lance, he took me to this really fancy restaurant, which was kinda weird, but I figured, that must be what college guys do. Still, it was almost like being out with my grandparents, because everything was so fancy.

But on the other hand not like my grandparents, because Lance ordered a bottle of wine, and poured me, like, three glasses, which my grandpa only does when grandma’s not around and he wants me to sit in his lap.

ANYWAY, after dinner we were supposed to go to some frat party, but Lance wanted to stop by his place first.

I was a bit disappointed when we got there, because it was just this shitty little dorm room, not even the size of my bedroom at home, but then Lance actually made mojitos out of his tiny fridge, and we started to fool around a bit, and it was pretty cool.

I thought I knew what was going to happen then, and when Lance whispered in my ear, “you’re still a virgin, right?” I said yes, because that’s what guys always want to hear.

But then, as soon as I said it, he pulled away and was all like, “well, we better get to this party.”

And I was kind of offended, so I was like WTF? And then he looked at me with his big brown eyes and said, “Bunny, you are way too special to waste on a place like this,” and he motioned around his shitty dorm, and I was so FLATTERED, I couldn’t believe a guy could be this sweet, and then I took a huge chug of my mojito, because I got nervous.

And then I passed out.

And this one was seriously hard to turn into a comic!

…is better than smelling like a zombie.

Back at school, the big question is: how do I stop myself (and Misha and CeeCee) from smelling like horrible rotting corpses?

It’s kind of a big deal. Even cartoon versions of me are starting to reek.

I’ve been messing around with stuff I can find around school. My first thought was to cover myself in nail lacquer, but the lacquer cracks when I move and it takes big chunks of me with it when it flakes off.

So then I tried to get myself to think like I was an esthetician at my fav spa. They always say that the best things for your skin come from the earth, and it’s totally true. I never feel better than after a day of mud baths and seaweed wraps.

After some trial and error, I’ve developed this formula:

Step 1:

- 1 part chalk dust from the teacher’s supply closet.
- 1 part Vaseline from the school nurse.
- 3 parts clay from the art room.

I mixed that up, and used it to cover all my problem areas. (There’s this one spot on my arm where you can see the bone. Yeah. Seriously.)

Step 2:

I needed something to incase myself in to stop the smell, but it had to be something that would let me move, like a natural hold hairspray for skin.

I was totally blank on ideas until it hit me like a bolt of lightening: wax!

With CeeCee to do the heavy lifting (LOL) I snuck a whole industrial-style bucket of floor wax out of the janitor’s supply shed!

I mixed the wax with a whole bottle of lavender essential oil, which I never would have used in real life, but I tried CeeCee’s Natural Vitality, and Misha’s Secret Obsession, and synthetic scents just didn’t cut it.

So now me and Misha and CeeCee have this nice, natural clay base, finished with a kind of gym floor polish/emo-hippy scent!

For zombies, we’re looking and smelling pretty freakin’ hot.

And that’s your Undead Chic Beauty Tip of the Week!

So trying to visit Milo was basically a disaster. I can’t speak, I look…well, I look like a scary zombie (see toons of myself), and I’m also forced to face the truth: I reek like death.

While I was waiting for Milo to fall asleep the other night, so I could sneak out, my mom (!) came in the room to check on him. And the first thing she says is, “Oh my god, it smells like a rat died in here.”

Which is so just like my mom, to start out with a criticism.

So she goes to open a window, and Milo blurts out, “Bunny is here, mama!”

And from under the bed I could see my mom just freeze in her Valentino pumps, then she turns around and says all quietly. “Milo, what did we say about talking about Bunny?”

“Ummm, that we don’t talk about Bunny?”

“That’s right. Bunny’s in heaven. And that means our lives are different now. We get to start all over again. And you can only start again when you let go of the past.”

Okay. I’ve been dead for like, three weeks, mom! Thanks a lot.

Then Milo says, “But Bunny’s not in heaven, mama. She’s under my bed!”

And mom says, “Oh Christ, not more of this. What are we paying that stupid therapist for anyway?”

“Mrs. Boyle says it’s okay to talk about Bunny!”

“Well, Mrs. Boyle is getting a call from your father! Now enough talk, you’re supposed to be asleep!”

And mom goes stomping out of the room, and Milo stays awake for a long time, but he doesn’t try to talk to me again.

P.S. guys! I did this comic with Toon-FX, so don’t go thinking I’m some awesome artist or anything!

They actually closed the school this week because CeeCee disappeared. There’s no one around now except cops and police dogs. And without all my alive friends running around, the place feels seriously DEAD.

I’m also starting to think that zombie BFFs are a bit boring. All they do is sit there and wait to see what I do. I mean, how long can they watch me toon photos for? It’s fun being in charge, but I don’t like to ALWAYS be the leader…

So yeah, I’m starting to get a bit lonely for some lively company. And I’ve gotta face it, I miss my family. Especially my little bro

Milo (little brother) is cute as pie. He’s seven years old, actually, he’s my half-brother. And he’s the only one that never judges me, or expects anything from me.

And I’m the only one who can ever find where he hides his toys. He always hides them, then forgets where they are, he says, so no one can steal them. And I’m the only one that made him after-school snacks, AND helped him to his school projects, AND got him ready for bed.

My mom…she’d not exactly maternal. Especially before the age when you can compete in sports and school and stuff.

That means it’ll be a couple of years before she starts paying attention to Milo.

In that time, he’s probably going to miss me a lot.

Maybe I should go see him or something.

Do you think he would be scared, though? Maybe he would just scream and run away?

He is a pretty calm little kid. You have to be, with a mom and stepdad like we’ve got. He’s only six, but there’s something really…thoughtful about him, y’know?

Still, I should probably figure out some way to see him so that he can’t see me…

So I talk to this guy Irn on the Facebook Ask A Zombie group all the time, and he’s all like, “so what are you gonna do, stay in the basement the rest of your life?”

At first it kind of stung to be called out like that, but then I realized he was right. I can’t just hide in the basement for the rest of my life, especially now I’ve got Misha and CeeCee to worry about.

And I mean, I don’t really get what Lance’s deal is yet, but I’m starting to think I better figure it out. Like, why was he in the girl’s change room waiting for CeeCee? Why was he wearing a monk-looking robe? And most importantly, who does he think he is, anyway?

Who pretends to be a good guy, goes to all this trouble to impress a girl, then doesn’t even act sad that she turns up dead and instead hits on her best friend???

I tried to grill CeeCee about what Lance said to her, but she’s acting all evasive and whatever.

Not saying it’s her fault.

Interesting fact: CeeCee is totally not bossy and controlling anymore. She just stares at me and waits to see what I do. It used to be like, sometimes, I felt kind of left behind, or in the background, or whatever. Now it’s like I’m the one they’re both best friends with, and they practically ignore each other.

Sometimes, zombie life isn’t so bad.