Pick Bunny’s Brainz

So I realize that I totally forgot to tell you guys about how we hooked up with CeeCee. And it was crazy. So crazy that when I was writing yesterday it was like, “as if you don’t already know!”

But how could you? I keep forgetting that I lead a life of secrecy, a life that really is more like a comic book than like real life.

We decided to go talk to Ceec in the morning, because she comes to school early so she can jog and shower before class, and it’s the only time she’s really alone in the day.

Except this time she wasn’t alone. Someone followed her to school.

At first I didn’t realize it, because we caught up with her in the change house, and the smell of shampoo and perfume stifled everything. By the time I smelled the guy, he was just a row of lockers away.

And yeah, I can smell people. Really strongly. I can tell if they’re male or female, I can kinda smell where they’ve been, I can tell if they’re sick, and I can smell if they’re scared, excited, happy, or…you know, like, totally horny.

The guy behind the lockers was all of the above. He was also Lance.

I knew we were out of time, so I jumped out in front of CeeCee and tried to scream, “Look out!” but I admit, it came out sounding seriously scary, more like “gggrrraaaallllohhhhkkkkkaaarrhrhh!”

CeeCee didn’t scream like Misha did, though. She just passed right out.

Then, before I could react, Misha was on her. The smell of blood – human, female, healthy – took over everything, and the pink cloud filled my vision.

Just before the humming carried me away, though, I saw Lance dart out from behind the lockers where he’d been hiding. Instead of staying with Misha and Ceec, I jumped over them and took off after Lance, who for some reason, was wearing this weird brown robe, like a monk or something.

After that, there’s just the pink cloud, and the humming, but I don’t think I caught him, because when I came to, I was at the change house doors, ducked under the window away from the bright morning sunlight.

Lance must have ran away into the day. I went back to grab the girls and clean up before school started.

Okay, I’d been thinking about it a bunch, and here’s the thing: if CeeCee and Misha became zombies, and they totally left me out, I’d feel pretty bad.

Like, when I was a zombie, and all my friends were hanging out, and all I could do was toon pictures of them, it was a total cryfest – on the inside, at least, since I can’t really like cry cry anymore.

So I talked it over with Misha, and we decided to do it – to make CeeCee part of the group again, AND to protect her from Lance.

Everybody’s a winner, right?

Now that it’s done and everything, I do gotta also admit that at the time, it probably seemed like such a good idea because we were totally starving! Being hungry can make you do weird things.

Like, this one time, I was fasting to fit into my dress for Junior Prom, and on the third day, I put so much lip gloss on that I basically ate an entire thing of lip gloss.

I used to think that was pretty gross – now, I don’t know what gross is anymore.

Another example, after the whole mess with CeeCee yesterday, she didn’t really have a lot of hair left, which is super embarrassing, but also the inspiration for the new UNDEAD CHIC BEAUTY TIP OF THE WEEK! Which is…

In an emergency, you can make great hair weaves out of just about anything!

To fix CeeCee, who has been a bottle blonde since she was eight years old, I first thought of cornsilk from the cafeteria, because the dye she uses is actually called ‘Cornsilk Blonde!’

Then I realized that cornsilk goes brown in about two seconds, and wouldn’t that be her worst nightmare LOL.

Then I thought of yellow yarn from the Home Ec room, because my mom made me a wig out of that stuff for Halloween once, but after we got the first bits sewn on, I realized it just wasn’t fashionable enough for CeeCee.

Then I was looking at Cosmo and it hit me. What’s hot right now – bright colors and total glam!

Me and Misha snuck into where they store the cheerleading stuff, and stole a couple of bright gold pompoms that we used in competition last year.

After that, I just had to look up an online tutorial on how to make a weave. I got some glue and netting from Home Ec, and by dawn, CeeCee had gone from girl-next-door cheerleader to ultra-hot glam punk.

I like to think that if CeeCee had gone on ANTM, Tyra would have done the same thing.

Ever since I realized that Lance is a total player, I’ve started to look at our relationship in a seriously different light. Like, I was tooning pics of him playing guitar at the party where we first met, and suddenly all I could see was this totally sinister character.

I mean, if he would hit on my best friend – actually come to my actual school and hunt her down – he could be capable of anything.

And if the last thing I remember is going back to his dorm, then he could even possibly have something to do with me being dead. OMG.

What if Lance is a freakin psycho killer? That means that CeeCee COULD be next just like she said!

I know this is getting really heavy, guys, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to about these ideas.

Misha’s great, but at this point, she’s pretty out of it. It’s like Mr. Loughtree all over again. All she does is try to escape, and I can’t blame her. It’s been a few days now since either of us have eaten, and Misha was never as good at dieting as I was. She’s really more of a binge/purge type.

So here’s my problem: We totally have to warn CeeCee about Lance, but if we go out into the world, something bad is going to happen. I can feel it. And I pinky swore with the universe that I would not slip up again.

So what’s more important? Saving my friend, or sticking to my diet, and making sure that Misha sticks to hers?

It’s like that age-old question: eat the bday cake your mom made, or stick to your diet and break her heart?

Option three: that’s Misha’s territory - have your cake, and eat it, too.

Misha is WAY easier to control as a zombie than Mr. Loughtree was. I can even let out of her room to come and do stuff with me, like blogging and tooning, and she’ll just follow along, and even kind of nod when I tell her to do stuff.

Sometimes after school, if it’s not too sunny, I go watch cheer practice, and today, I decided to bring Mish with me.

We hid behind the bleachers, and I told Misha to be still, but she kept trying to go out on the field. She probably misses cheering even more than I do.

So this one time when I have to go chasing after her, we get back, and guess who’s sitting in the bleachers watching practice?

Lance!

Can you even believe that?

Oh, but don’t worry, it gets worse.

After practice, he stands up and waves at Ceecee. She strolls over to him all like she’s so cool, but I could tell she was peeing her pants on the inside.

They talk for a minute, then next thing she’s crying and he’s opening his arms and they have this long HUG!

OMFG

I mean, my body is missing. As far as they know, I might not even be dead! I could be walking around somewhere with amnesia just hoping my best friend or boyfriend will find me…

And, okay, fine, maybe Lance wasn’t officially officially my boyfriend, but if I hadn’t died, who knows?

Then it hits me. Lance is the last person I remember seeing before waking up in the funeral home. Maybe he knows what happened to me or something.

I grabbed Misha’s hand and we snuck over to the bleachers where CeeCee and Lance were sitting – now he had his arm around her, and he says, “…so I should give you my number, if you ever want to talk about it or anything…”

And Ceec says, “It’s just so scary, you know? I mean, like, I could be next or something…”

And then Lance is all (gag, gag), “If you were my lady, I’d never let anything hurt you.”

And then they freakin’ kissed.

Then Lance takes her hand, writes his number down on her palm, and leaves her sitting there smiling to herself like she just won the lottery.

I wanted to throw up.

It’s like all of a sudden, I’m starting to think that Lance might be kind of a dick.

This is nothing like when Mr. Loughtree disappeared. People are freaking out about Misha being missing. The school is covered in posters of her face and there are cops here every day, even on the weekend.

Because they found Mr. Loughtree decapitated, it’s a total panic situation. They even came down and searched the entire school basement this morning. Me and Mish had to hide in this really gross little crawl space. Lucky she’s quiet when I tell her to be.

I’m starting to think that I can kinda tell other zombies what to do. Like they can understand the words coming out of my mouth, even if they don’t make sense anymore, and they have to listen to me or something.

But that’s not the point. I was saying that when we were in the crawlspace, it was really dark and really kinda slimy because we were squished up against each other in this tiny space, and that’s when I blanked out and had a weird dream.

In the dream, the cool part was that I was alive. But everything else was kind of freaky.

First I was moving down some weird old tunnel, and I felt like I was underground, but I don’t know why.

Then the scene skipped, and I was tied down to some rough surface, and the only light was really red and flickery.

I was naked, which was totally embarrassing, and these kind of dark, ghosty shapes were pouring something sticky and sweet-smelling all over me. One of the shapes lunged at me, and the face looked like a monster’s face.

I was scared, and then suddenly Lance was there. He came out of the darkness and at first I thought he was one of the ghosts, but then he put his lips up to my ear and whispered, “It’s nothing personal, Bun.”

Weird, right? What do you make of something like that? Especially considering I haven’t had a dream since I became a zombie…

P.S. - Ever tried tooning a nightmare? It’s really hard!

I’ve been having a great time hanging out with Misha. She’s always so much cooler when CeeCee isn’t around.

She listens to everything I say, I’ve been teaching her how to use Toon-FX, and we’ve been practicing cheering together. Even if CeeCee would never admit it, Misha is totally the star of the team.

I even grabbed her bag from the change room, so we have all the new magazines AND her makeup!

It’s basically the first fun time I’ve had since becoming a zombie.

But then guess what happened?

I went up to the teacher’s lounge tonight to grab the paper. I try to get a copy every day to see if anything…suspicious happened during the day that might be related to Mr. Loughtree.

I got excited right away because there was a front-page story in the Daily Ringer about a body that turned up near my school. But guess who it turned out to be? Mr. Loughtree!!!

And check this out.

He was decapitated.

Yeah. Fer serious.

So either he got into some kind of weird zombie accident, or somebody freakin’ cut his head off.

I don’t want to jump to any conclusions here, but I’ve seen enough movies to be thinking: zombie hunter.

Don’t worry, guys! Misha’s fine! Now I’ve got her in the basement where I was keeping Mr. Loughtree.

Of course, she’d be pretty pissed if she could see her face right now. With Mr. Loughtree, I kinda took off the back top part of his head, but Misha…one of her EYES is gone.

EEK.

I’ll make it up to her by trying some of my new makeup techniques on her. It’ll be just like a slumber party.

(Don’t be mad.)

When you’re a zombie, it’s hard to focus on important stuff. Like, all week, I’ve been telling myself to go find Mr. Loughtree, but then another night passes without me doing anything but reading celebrity gossip and figuring out how to use school supplies as makeup.

Actually, it’s kinda like life before I became all zombified.

Like life, except I’m even more paranoid about my hair and skin and eating habits than before, AAAANNNDDD like I said yesterday, I’m pretty lonely. Lonelier even than the summer I spent at the cabin with just grandma.

So I thought maybe I’d try to hook up with CeeCee and Misha. Or at least Misha, cause she’s way less judgy than Ceec. Maybe it’s the whole braindead thing, but I truly believe there’s no way anyone could expect me to be alone forever. I’m a pretty seriously social person, y’know?

Anyway, this is what I was thinking when I was waiting out behind the stadium seats for Misha after cheering practice. She always goes back there to sneak cigarettes, and it’s the only time you can really get her away from CeeCee.

So it’s dark, right, and she comes around and I whisper, “Misha!” And she was like “WTF?” and then she was like, “Bunny?” and I took a step towards her and then she screamed, and she was screaming and screaming and screaming, and I just wanted her to be QUIET.

At first I tried telling her to calm down but that made me realize that I’d never tried talking to anyone before. And what came out of my mouth wasn’t what I was thinking. It was more like a bunch of garbly sounds. And some black goo.

And then I wasn’t paying attention to Misha. I was thinking about how awful it was that I couldn’t talk.

And then all around me, the air turned hazy and pink, and there was this pretty humming…

What I really, really wish is that I could show myself to somebody. Like, not just through tooned pics, but for reals.

I feel super alone, but every day the face I see in the mirror looks worse. Every day I have less hope of ever speaking to a normal human being again.

I’m at the point now where I’ve used up my entire makeup bag, I look hideous, and it doesn’t help that I’m a picker.

When I was alive, if I had even the tiniest zit, I’d pick pick pick at it to make it go away. It always just got worse, but I couldn’t help myself, y’know?

Now imagine transferring that OCD behavior to rotting flesh. It’s not pretty. In fact, it’s like, super gross.

The good news is that I have discovered an awesome new beauty product that should make me rich if this zombie thing ever blows over:

CHALK DUST!

Not only can I use it to pack into open sores, it makes great cover-up, especially if your skin is a bit…slimy.

And sure I look goth under all that white, but it’s actually a big improvement over looking like something from beyond the grave.

And that’s your undead chic beauty tip of the week!

Still don’t remember how I became a zombie. The weekend was seriously weird. Everybody’s looking for Mr. Loughtree, and it was super hard to keep him locked up in the basement. He was making a lot of scary yelling sounds, and I was worried someone would hear.

So I went to move him to a different part of the basement, but suddenly he freaked out or something, pushed me down, and he - OMG - escaped!

And there’s security guards around the school at night now! It’s almost impossible to come up and look for him! Like my life isn’t complicated enough.

The worst part is that everyone thinks he just took off, because he committed another crime or something. Poor Mr. Loughtree! I wish I could tell them that none of this is his fault!

At least they haven’t found him yet. And I haven’t heard about him biting anyone or anything.

Maybe he will just disappear.